


We Don't Talk Enough

by ZarryForeva14



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Canon Compliant, Eventual Smut, Exes, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Break Up, Solo Artist Harry, Solo Artist Zayn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-07 11:33:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14080008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZarryForeva14/pseuds/ZarryForeva14
Summary: "No, you don't get to do this." He looks at him angrily. But there's also a tinge of sadness behind those green eyes, Zayn can see that. Because even after all these years, he can still read Harry like an open book."Do what?" Zayn asks softly, even though he knows the answer too. This isn't hurting him any less, but he knows they need to talk. He knows, if they can't get back to what they used to be, at least they need closure. They both deserve it."This." Harry gestures the space between them with his hands. "You can't just pretend the last 3 years never happened Zayn. Because they did, and it hurt like hell.""I'm not pretending anything Harry, but I think we both know we need to talk."****Or, where Zayn and Harry meet after 3 years and there are still some things they need to talk about.





	We Don't Talk Enough

**Author's Note:**

  * For [whitesdaisy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitesdaisy/gifts).



> So, this is my first ever proper fic on AO3. I hope it's okay? 
> 
> whitesdaisy , I hope you enjoy. I liked every prompt of yours. Even started writing the 1st one but at the very last moment, backed out and started writing this one. I wanted to give you a longer fic but I didn't have much time because of the exams and all. I'm sorry for that. 
> 
> A huge thanks to my Beta Andrea for keeping up with my constant nagging over the emails. I also want to thank thisonegoes for helping me out so much. I didn't know a thing about ZFE and she helped me a lot. So thank you, G.
> 
> Title from "Sign Of The Times" by Harry Styles

 

 

 

 

 

 

> ' **To be honest, I never spoke to him': Zayn Malik hints at bitter feud with Harry Styles in One Direction... and 'didn't expect a relationship with him when I left'**  
>  By Jabeen Waheed For Mailonline  
>  20:02 13 Sep 2017, updated 02:11 14 Sep 2017
> 
> Zayn Malik has hinted that things were not well between him and Harry Styles during his time in the band which achieved worldwide success since being formed on The X Factor in 2010.
> 
> Speaking candidly to US Weekly about his relationship with the boys since leavingI the band two years ago, the solo star, 24, admitted that he didn't expect to stay in touch with Harry as he never really interacted with him beforehand.
> 
> Zayn, who is now romancing model Gigi Hadid, admitted: 'To be honest, I never really spoke to Harry even when I was in the band.
> 
> 'So I didn't really expect that much of a relationship with him when I left. And I haven't (had one) to be honest', the Pillowtalk hitmaker continued.
> 
> However, he added that he wouldn't turn down an offer to reunite with Harry, Niall Horan, Louis Tomlinson and Liam Payne -who are currently on hiatus- in the future.
> 
> 'Who knows? I've said it before, never say never. If I wanted to come back in 10, 15 years time, then yeah, why not?,' he added.
> 
> Zayn quit the boy band in 2015 and his departure was less than acrimonious.
> 
> In an interview with The Sun, he revealed he had been unhappy for a long time.
> 
> He said: 'You know, I did try to do something that I wasnt happy doing for awhile, for the sake of maybe other peoples happiness.
> 
> 'And that was mainly the fans. And I only ever tried to do it for the fans, and it was only ever for them.'
> 
> Speaking of his former bandmates, he said: 'Its not that Ive turned my back on them or anything, its just that I just cant do that anymore because its not real to me.'
> 
> Speaking to Elle UK in July last year, Zayn confessed he's enjoyed being able to experiment with his persona ever since quitting One Direction back in March 2015.
> 
> The boy band was renowned for being notoriously controlling of the public images of Zayn and his fellow bandmates.
> 
> Happy: Zayn is now loved up with striking model Gigi Hadid, 22, and the pair have been dating since November 2015

 

 

  
The air is crisp and cold as Zayn steps out of his apartment.

  
He has always loved New York. Loves the weather here and how people walk on the street without a care in the world. He also loves the good memories of the forgotten past, related to this city. Memories that sometimes make him want to close his eyes and remember them. But he can't allow himself to do that. Because the good memories always come with those haunting memories that he has been trying to forget. He hasn't forgotten them completely though. But after all these years, he can say that he has successfully hid them in the depth of his heart. He is in a better place now.

  
The air around him feels heavy as he gets into his car. Holding the steering wheel tight, he takes some deep breaths and counts one to ten backwards - just as his psychiatrist taught him to do in the moments of him feeling restless. The memory of his doctor looking at him with sympathetic eyes still haunts him. He never wanted someone's sympathy. Especially from someone who doesn't even know him personally. But he couldn't say anything to her back then. Back when he was so lost that he couldn't even find himself, when he couldn't even function properly, when he didn't even know if he was alive, when his family and fans got so worried. That's when he knew he got to get better. If not for himself, for the ones who love him. That's how he found himself in front of Melanie Roberts, his psychiatrist, three years ago. And even though he didn't like getting the treatment at first, he knows she played a big role in improving his mental health. He can't thank her enough for that.

  
Shaking the thoughts off his head, Zayn goes to put the address in the GPS of his car when he feels his phone beep in his jean pocket. He leans back against the seat. He fetches out the iPhone from his pocket and unlocks it. There are many things on his notification tray, Zayn notices. Like 6 e-mails from work, two missed calls from his mother, 3 from his sisters, 1 from Liam. But what caught his attention the most, was a text. Not any text but a text from Louis.

  
Louis Tomlinson. His ex-bandmate, partner in crime. Louis, who was always there for him when he would miss his family and comfort him. Louis, who made him feel it's okay to be a rebel sometimes, as long it's making you happy. Louis, who always would make fun of him but love him at the same time. Louis, whom he unintentionally offended on Twitter after he left the band. After which, they both experienced a coldness in their relationship for a long time. That continued until one day, Zayn got the news of Johanna Deakin, Louis' mum's death, that the two friends again reconnected and found themselves in each other's arms, on her funeral.

  
_"Fucking hell, Malik! What the fuck have you done?! Call me ASAP. We need to talk."_ The text reads and Zayn wants to chuckle because it's so like Louis.

  
He sends a quick reply to his mother, sisters, Liam and Louis saying he is okay and that he needs some time alone. After that, he switches off the phone and puts it back in his pocket. Quickly enough, he puts the destination into the GPS and finally starts the car.

He needs to get away.

  
***

  
Zayn Malik has always loved the sea. Loves the calming sound of the waves clashing against the shore. Loves the peaceful atmosphere of it at night. The beach - it's his own get away. When the pressure of reality becomes too much for him during the day, the half-Pakistani boy would always escape here at night. It’s his own secret that no one knows. And he would like to keep it that way.  
Getting into the beach after 1.00 A.M. has never been a problem for him. The guard knows him and yeah, at times like this Zayn thinks there are indeed some perks of being famous.

  
It doesn't take him more than ten minutes to find his special spot on the white sand beach. No, he doesn't have his name written on that place, but he has been sitting on that particular place at nights like this for the past years, so he thinks, he can indeed call this place his. Even it's for just the night.

  
He sits on the sand and closes his eyes, breathing in the cool, salty air of the beach. He looks down the soft sand beneath him. Touches it softly almost with fascination. He presses his right hand softly on the sand as if he wants to hide his tan skin under it. A pained, distant look takes over his face when he finds how his fingers get lost in the white surface.

  
Much like how they would get lost in a certain mop of brunette curls.

  
He shakes the thoughts off his head because no, he can't afford to remember those memories. Now that he's finally getting better, he can't do that. He can't remember him.

  
He can't remember Harry Styles - the boy with gorgeous green eyes and brown curls. His ex-bandmate, his best friend, his love interest and his muse for the first two albums of his solo career.

  
He wants to forget him, but he knows he can't. He is old enough to know that you can't have control on certain things. He knows neither you can change your past nor you can forget it. Because your past is responsible for the person you are now.

  
He looks at the sea in front of him, sees how shiny the water looks under the moonlight. He looks over at the sky to find it's a full moon night. He smiles because the first time he was on the beach, on a full moon night, was when he and Harry sneaked out of the hotel in the summer of 2011. When One Direction still wasn't as famous, and they could sneak out at night without having the fear of some fans creepily following them around.

  
"Do you think, Louis will be happy with her?" Harry had asked him that night. Zayn turned to him from where they both were looking at the sea. He didn't miss the way Harry's eyes closed when the cool summer breeze hit his face. Till this date, Zayn thinks that might be one of the best sights he has ever got to see. The way Harry had smiled under the moonlight. A real smile. When they didn't have to fake it every now and then.

  
"I think he is happy. If his smile when he talks to Eleanor is any indication." Zayn shrugged, looking at him. Harry opened his eyes and looked at him. There was a painful smile on his face that Zayn wanted to wipe off, but he knew, Harry had to face it anyway.

  
"Yeah, I guess." Harry said. Voice small and as low as ever. He looked back at the infinite extend of water in front of them as he rested his head on Zayn's shoulder. Zayn, not knowing what to do, took his pale hand and started playing with his fingers. And even though his wild curls were tickling the side of Zayn's neck he didn't say anything. The comfortable silence between them was too good to break.

  
"I like him, you know?" Harry mumbled. "I mean- I know he loves me only as a friend and respects my feeling towards him, but it still hurts to see him with anyone."

  
"I know." Zayn mumbled as he rubbed his thumb on the back of Harry's hand. An assuring gesture that earned him a smile from his best friend.

  
They didn't say anything else after that. Just enjoyed the comfortable silence around them, in each other's arms as the full moon shone bright above them, listening to the waves crashing against the shore.

  
***

  
"You okay?" Is the first thing Louis asks as soon he picks up the call the next morning. Zayn nods but then he remembers, he's on the other side of the phone and Louis is waiting for an answer.

  
"Yeah." He says. Short and so Zayn like. A silence falls between them.

  
"You didn't have to say that you know." Louis says after a long pause. Voice hesitant and words measured. "No one is gonna believe that Zayn." The way Louis says it, reminds Zayn of his mother back in Bradford. How she would hesitate to ask him about Harry after he left the band. When he wouldn't go out of his room for days.

  
"I know." Zayn says. "I - I didn't know what to say Louis. He-"

  
"It's okay, Zayn." Louis cuts him off in the middle. "I know." He assures him and that somehow calms him down. He is glad to get back in touch with Louis. Because he never needs to explain anything to him. Because Louis knows him better than anyone else.

  
"Thank you." Zayn says and he could already feel the blue-eyed lad smiling.

  
"It's nothing, love." Louis assures him. "Wanna hang out? I'm in New York too."

  
"Yeah, sure." Zayn sighs. He really needs to see Louis. "Gigi is not here so my place at 5 today?"

  
"Perfect."

  
***

  
It's the first week of December and Zayn hasn't shown his face to anyone in a long time. He can see in the social media how fans are going crazy because of this. They have even started calling him "Ghost" and really, Zayn wants to laugh. He loves his fans though. They are the reason why even after zero promotion, he is on top of the charts. He knows they care for him, knows that their love is selfless and that the only thing they want from him is an assurance he is okay. He doesn't know what he would do without his fans.

  
He is checking Instagram and comes across certain posts. There are as usual some pics of him, the boys and some more than required Larry posts. But what catches his eyes are some Zarry posts. Posts about him and Harry. It isn't new though. He is habituated to seeing one or two pictures of him and Harry every day, but ever since he said he and Harry never spoke, it seems like, the amount of the Zarry posts have increased. For the past two months, he also noticed some Zarry accounts he had never seen before and truly, it makes him question himself if his plan backfired. To be frank, he only said that, so media would stop asking him about Harry because God knows how much it hurt when they would do so. There wasn't a day when he would get some sleep after being asked about Harry. He remembers himself spending long nights scribbling down his feelings in shape of lyrics and poems. Lyrics that he has used for his second album and poems that he is planning to share with his fan on the new year. But seeing these "Zarry" posts now, he is questioning the decision he made that day.  
He is scrolling down his explorer page when a certain picture catches his attention. Not just any picture but a picture of him and Harry sharing a bed. He is sleeping like a dead man while Harry is sleeping beside him. He knows it was taken from the YouTube video where the boys were trying to wake them up. The picture is captioned with #zarryisreal and honestly, Zayn wants to laugh and cry at the same time. Because the memories still hurt. It leaves him with a dull ache in his heart that Zayn loves and hates at the same time. Not wanting to torture himself anymore, Zayn logs out of Instagram and instead opens the editing app to edit some pictures that he is planning on surprising his fans with in the new year.

  
***

  
The first time they kissed, it wasn't out of the blue.

Zayn could feel it coming. The lingering touch of Harry's fingers on his arms, the soft smiles Harry gave him every now and then, the light whispers on stage - somewhere deep within his heart Zayn knew it was coming. But he really didn't expect it that night. And he definitely didn't expect his and Harry's first kiss to be in the darkness of one of their assigned hotel rooms.

  
"Do you think we'll make it big?" Harry asked him in the middle of that Friday night. In the dim light of the room Zayn saw him frowning. He cupped a side of his face - a gesture he had come to know calmed Harry down.

  
"We don't have to make it big, Haz." Zayn said in a low voice. "We just have to make sure we are enjoying it."

  
"Are you enjoying what you're doing?" Harry asked him.

  
"It's a bit hectic and the music isn't what I would want to make." Zayn admitted. "But yeah, you guys are making it good. I am having fun."

  
"I know." Harry nodded in understanding. He scooted closer to the tanned lad and draped an arm on his waist. Zayn let out a quiet chuckle in fond at Harry's effort to comfort him. "I miss home too."

  
"Have you - have you talked it out with Louis?" Zayn asked. He told Harry to talk about it with Louis about his crush on him. Because it was the first step to getting over him.

  
"Yeah. I did today. After the show." Harry said slowly. "He was cool with it. Said it's good that I talked it out." Harry smiled at him.

"Thank you, Zayn. For always being there for me."

  
"Always, Haz." Zayn smiled. Because yeah, no matter what, he was always going to be there for this curly lad. Was always going to be there to make sure Harry was okay. Because he could do anything for Harry. Harry, with his amazing curly hair, gorgeous green eyes and kind heart. Harry, for whom Zayn had developed some feelings that you shouldn't develop for your friends. Harry whom Zayn wanted to kiss right there because Harry looked beautiful in that dim light.

  
Zayn didn't know how it happened or who initiated it, but the next moment, all he remembered was that their lips were pressed against each other. It wasn't even a proper kiss, more like a peck. Just a light pressure of their lips on each other as if to assure that the kiss, indeed happened.

  
The first thought Zayn had after he pulled away from the kiss was if he had messed up everything. He thought about apologising to Harry for the kiss (even though he wasn't feeling guilty), because he didn't want to lose their friendship over his stupid crush. But then he looked at Harry and he was grinning like a fool. "He is such a fool" Zayn thought. But he loved that fool. So, he didn't think much of it when he went for another kiss.  
This time they couldn't even kiss properly from how much they were laughing. Light and goofy and so much like them.

  
They didn't talk about the kiss until the next night when they were alone in their hotel room, lying next to each other, staring up at the ceiling.

  
"Are you okay with you know - the kiss?" Zayn asked with a bit of hesitance. He knew Harry was okay with the kiss last night, but it was a new day so maybe he had changed his mind?

  
"No, of course not." Zayn turned his head only to find the younger lad smiling. Light and easy as ever. "I don't mind kissing you. In fact, I would very much like another kiss only if you don't have any problem that is." There was a teasing tone in his voice and Zayn loved it so much. He loved Harry and maybe that's why he didn't think about it much before leaning in and kissing him again.  
This time, it was a proper kiss. Harry's hand cupping the side of Zayn's face while Zayn was holding Harry's waist. The kiss was soft and sweet. They took their time, exploring and savouring the taste of each other's mouth. They were a bit breathless when they finally pulled away.

  
There was no awkwardness between them. Both smiling and grinning at each other. Light and goofy as always but Zayn didn't miss the bit of shyness behind that bright smile of Harry. There was a pinkness on his cheeks along that smile. The sight was so cute and adorable that Zayn just had to kiss him again.

  
So he did just that. And if Harry's smile was any indication, Zayn knew he didn't mess anything up.

  
***

  
Christmas passed by sooner than he would have thought and soon it was New Year's eve.

He spent the Christmas eve FaceTiming with Louis, Eleanor and Freddie, Louis' son in his LA house because it was also his Louis' birthday. The way Freddie would say "Bathway Dada" to Louis every now and then, in his baby voice, still brings a smile on Zayn's face. Christmas was spent with Gigi and his family in his house as well. Pictures of them circulated all over the internet that day. The fans were happy, finally getting some pics of him but mostly, because of him seeing happy. Zayn could definitely say, he indeed had a great time.

  
He spends New Years Eve in his studio, writing and editing some songs for his second album. His phone vibrates with New Year's messages from different people as soon as the clock strikes 00:00. He first replies to his mother and sisters with a New Year's wish, then sends a text to Gigi, his girlfriend, wishing her a Happy New Year as well. He then replies to the boys and some of his close friends. By the time he is done, it's already 12:47 AM into the New Year. He stares at his screen for a moment. Waits and waits and waits but the text he has been anticipating for the past hour never comes.

A text from Harry.

He knows it's impossible to get that anticipated text, seeing he changed his number a lot in these past few years. But somewhere deep within his heart, Zayn still hoped that the text would come. After all, it's not that hard for Harry to get his number. He sent a message when Robin died, for God's sake. Maybe Harry deleted his number as well as the text as soon as he received it? He thinks for a second but then again, they work for the same company for goodness sake. If he doesn't have his personal number then Harry has to have the number that Zayn uses for work purposes. But Zayn knows for a fact that Harry already have his personal number that Zayn gave to Liam, the only one who kept in touch with him after he left the band. The number he later gave to Louis when he DM him on twitter saying, _"Your stupidity is rubbing on me, Malik. Now, give me your new number, you twat. I don't have it and I forgot to ask for it."_  after they met up at Jay's funeral and solved everything between them.

  
Niall, well he is another story. Zayn doesn't know how Niall miraculously found his number but one day he got a text from an unknown number saying "Hey! It's Niall." But never once, Zayn got a text from Harry.  
For a moment, Zayn thinks about texting Harry but quickly shakes off the thought. He reminds himself that Harry doesn't need him in his life and that he is doing fine. He pictures Harry to be in his mum's house, drinking red wine with her and Gemma. He pictures him smiling and laughing at some of his own jokes and really that thought hurts Zayn enough. So, he switches off his phone and instead picks up his guitar when he feels the itch in his fingers to type a new year’s text to Harry.

That night, before going to bed, Zayn silently prays to the powers above to keep a certain clumsy, curly haired lad with gorgeous, gorgeous green eyes safe and sound.

  
***

  
It was the beginning of 2013 when Zayn realised, he didn't love Perrie. Sure, he was thrilled with the idea of dating her at first but as the time passed by, he realised he didn't love her as much as he thought he did. Sure, there were cuddles and kisses, but he didn't feel anything with her. Like he felt with Harry. The way he felt himself drowning with every kiss from Harry and it scared the shit out of him. Because no, he couldn't fall for Harry. What he had for Harry couldn't be more than a mere crush, he couldn't disappoint his parents. He couldn't have deep feelings for a boy. Maybe that's why Zayn started dating the blonde girl.

  
Zayn liked Perrie. He really did. Liked the childness in her, the way her small body would fit into his whenever they would hug. But he still couldn't shake off the feeling that it just didn't feel right. He missed the cuddles he would share with Harry at night. He missed waking up to his kisses and his goofy smile. And even though they still managed to sneak some little kisses here and there whenever they were alone, it just wasn't like before. Like when they were carefree, like when they didn't need to worry about Perrie finding them at Zayn's hotel room making out. Zayn wanted that back. He wanted those times back, when he could be with Harry anytime, anywhere.

He missed Harry.

Maybe that's why he found himself in front of Harry's hotel room that night, in July of 2013. He looked defeated and he knew that. He was tired of fighting the battle against his inner self. He had finally given in. He couldn't fight this feeling anymore. He indeed had fallen for Harry.

  
Harry without a word pulled Zayn into his room and locked the door behind them, before pulling the older lad in a tight embrace. He didn't ask him what happened, because Harry could read him like an open book. Because he knew Zayn better than anyone else.

  
"You okay?" Harry asked in concern. He rubbed his back like he knew Zayn liked.

  
"I just - I just miss you." Zayn said truthfully. "I miss you so much, Haz."

 

If Zayn felt Harry's body stiffen against him, he ignored it. Zayn gently pulled himself away from the hug and took a seat on the edge of Harry's bed. Harry didn't move from where he was standing and kept looking at the floor.

  
"I miss you too." Harry said quietly.

  
"Don't you have Taylor?" Zayn let out a bitter chuckle as he ran a hand through his perfectly quiffed hair.

  
Zayn didn't want to admit it but seeing those pics of Harry and Taylor made him furious. He knew that he didn't have a right to because he was dating Perrie himself, but he was still mad at Harry. He didn't need to date Taylor.

  
"Like you have Perrie?" Harry's tone was sharp and it shocked Zayn. Harry had never used that tone with him, ever. "Don't act like you are innocent Zayn. You are equally responsible for the mess we both are in."

  
"I know." Zayn sighed. "But I don't like it, even a bit." Frustrated, he laid back down on the bed and looked up at the ceiling.

  
"Me neither." Zayn felt the bed dip beside him. A small smile crept on his face when he felt Harry's laying down beside him. Zayn didn't hesitate to engulf Harry in his arms so that, the younger lads face was hidden in the crook of his tanned neck.

  
"Why can't we stay like this forever?" Harry mumbled against the skin of his neck. Zayn's arm tightened around his shoulders, but he didn't say anything. He couldn't. He didn't know what to say.

  
"I don't know." Zayn whispered before placing a kiss on his curls.

  
They didn't say anything for a long time after that. Just kept on holding each other as millions and millions of questions ran through their minds.

  
"Let's run away." Zayn proposed suddenly. It was something he had been thinking about for quite a few days. What if they ran away from there? From people's judgement, from their cruel words, from everything. He felt Harry chuckle against his neck but said nothing.

  
"No really, let's run away. From everything."

Harry pulled away a bit to get a proper look at Zayn. He must have thought Zayn was joking because his goofy smile turned into a frown when he saw how serious Zayn was.

  
"You can't be serious, Zayn." Harry looked at him seriously. "You have everything here. Your family, career, Perrie - everyone is here. You can't just leave them."

  
"Fuck, the career. The management, they just want us because we bring money."

  
"What about your family? And Perrie?" At that Zayn shut up. He really didn't think about them.

  
"I - I don't know."

  
"Zayn." Harry cupped a side of his face. His voice was soft and calming, something that Zayn always craved. "I know it gets hard, but we have to face them, love." Zayn closed his eyes when he felt Harry softly rubbing a thumb on his cheekbones. "We are in this together, yeah?"

  
"Yeah." Zayn nodded before leaning forward and joining their foreheads together. Harry gave him an eskimo kiss, an act that made Zayn smile.

  
"I'm gonna kiss you now." Harry whispered, to which Zayn let out a soft chuckle.

  
Harry let out a laugh as well before Zayn leaned in more and closed the gap between their lips himself.

  
When they laid in each other's arms that night, after a heavy make out session and them giving each other a much-needed hand job in the shower, Zayn finally decided to blurt out the words that had been on his mind for a while.

  
"Harreh?" Zayn whispered in the dark of Harry's room. Harry hummed from where his head was resting on Zayn's bare chest, tracing random patterns on the tanned skin. His damn curls tickling Zayn's chin.

  
"Do you think what we have between us, could be more than friends with benefits?" Zayn let out his words carefully. They never discussed what their relationship status was - if they were just friends who kissed and fucked often, or they were boyfriends in an open relationship or something like that. Zayn didn't want Harry to feel pressured. So, he thought, using the term "friends with benefits" would be safe.

  
"Friends with benefits?" Harry asked and for the first time, Zayn thought that he couldn't read Harry's voice. There was nothing. Not even a trace of emotion. Zayn didn't know if he said something wrong.

  
"Um, I mean yeah?" Zayn's voice came out as a question. "I mean, we started this thing between us when Louis got Eleanor. You were alone, and I was there. So, I guess I was a rebound? Then we kept up with that stuff, we both enjoyed doing them together and now we are here. So, I guess we are friends with benefits?"

  
"Oh" Harry's voice was quiet when he said it. "Is that what you think of us? A friendship that contains benefits?"

  
Zayn didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. He was still comprehending if he said something to offend Harry, but Harry wouldn't give him anything.

  
"I didn't mean to offend you, Haz. I just didn't know how to label our friendship." Zayn whispered, running his fingers through his curls. "So, do you think we could be more than what we are right now?" Zayn asked, quite impatiently. He needed to know the answer. He needed to know if Harry felt the same about him. He needed to know if they could be something more.

  
"You were never a rebound." Harry said quietly. He didn't answer the question Zayn had been wanting him to answer though and it was bothering him so much.

  
"But -"

  
"Let's sleep, Zayn. We have a concert tomorrow." Harry placed a kiss right above Zayn's heart before hugging him tightly. Zayn didn't think anything of it because he knew, Harry was a cuddler. So, he wrapped his arms around Harry and pulled him even closer to his chest.

  
"Goodnight, Haz." He whispered before kissing his curls. "Love you."

  
"Goodnight, Z."

  
Zayn ignored the weird feeling in his stomach when Harry didn't say the "love you" back for the first time they had been on this "friends with benefits" thing.

  
Maybe, Harry is just sleepy - he thought. But when that kept happening every time after that night, Zayn started thinking that maybe, Harry didn't return his feelings.  
After three weeks, Zayn got the news of Harry and Taylor Swift's break up from internet. That day, for the first time Zayn Malik realised that Harry Styles, was indeed a mystery in his own way.

  
They continued with their regular lives as before. Touring all around with the rest of the band, Harry and Zayn sneaking kisses backstage, "kiss-pering" on stage, touching each other oh-so-obviously and occasionally rubbing crotches together in front of thousands of people. The fans and Perrie thought it was just a friendly gesture while the other lads kept lecturing them about the possibility of them getting caught. Both Zayn and Harry just laughed it off but deep down, they both knew it could be possible. They didn't talk about that night though. Zayn didn't press on the subject thinking Harry didn't return his feelings. So, he tried to be happy with what Harry was giving him. If Harry wanted to keep up with their friends with benefits thing, then Zayn was going to take that. It's not like he could be with Harry even if Harry returned his feelings. The fans, his family, his religion - they just wouldnt accept his relationship with a bloke.

  
He had Perrie. Perrie who loved him so much, who was bubbly and always longed for Zayn. He had a responsibility towards her and he just couldn't shake everything off for his major crush on Harry. Harry who was beautiful and full of life. Harry who listened to him and held him when he was missing his family on tour. Harry with whom he could be himself. Harry who didn't return his feelings. Harry, whom he wanted to forget.  
So, it didn't come as a surprise when he proposed to Perrie in July of 2013. Although it was Perrie's mom who popped the idea first to Zayn, he thought it was for the best. Perrie understood him, trusted him. They were just like best friends. Maybe marrying Perrie wouldn't be bad. Liam, Louis and Niall looked at him with disappointment when he told them about the sudden engagement.

  
"Have you told Harry about this?" Liam asked gently, making a lump form in Zayn's throat.  
"Why?" Louis asked when Zayn shook his head at Liam's question.

  
"Can't." He only whispered. "I'll tell him soon." He added when the three lads glared at him. Although he really wondered when this "soon" would come. Because he didn't think he would ever be ready to tell Harry because no matter what, Harry was still a big part of his life. Not every day you tell your more than a crush about your engagement with another person.

  
When he informed his mother about it over FaceTime, she just smiled at him gently.  
"I hope what you are doing makes you happy, sunshine." She said. "Don't do something that your heart doesn't allow. Don't make decisions out of pressure. Be with someone who makes you happy. If she makes you happy then I am happy for you."

  
That day, for the first time Zayn thought, maybe his family knew him more than he thought they did.

  
Harry didn't say anything when Zayn informed him about the engagement just the day before the "This Is Us" premier. He gave him a tight hug and wished him best of luck for the life ahead of him. When they pulled away, Zayn tried not to notice the sad smile on Harry's face. It confused him, really. If Harry didn't love him then why he was looking at him like Zayn had done something he was not supposed to do? He shrugged the feeling off because no, he couldn't think like that especially now that he was engaged. He had Perrie now. He couldn't think of Harry in more than a friend's way.

  
The fans were ecstatic after knowing about the engagement, much like Perrie herself. He saw the way she would look at the diamond ring every now and then with admiration. At the movie premier he stayed glued to Harry. He didn't do it on purpose, really. But then again maybe he did? Because he wanted to be as close to Harry as possible. They did most of the interviews together and honestly, Zayn wanted to kiss Harry right in front of thousands of people when he saw how good Harry was with his family. How he was talking with his sisters sweetly while smiling politely at his parents. He didn't miss the fond look on Harry's face as well when he hugged Anne and Robin.

  
A while after then "Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart" by Ariana Grande came out. Zayn got to know from the internet that the song was written by Harry. He listened to the song in the quiet of his room.

That night, Zayn thought maybe rushing into the engagement wasn't a good idea.

  
***

  
It's February 2018 when Zayn first sees it.

He is scrolling through his Instagram feed when he sees the video that has been circulating all over the internet. He observes how Harry said "I Miss You" just after his solo in 'Story Of My Life'. He wants to laugh, honestly, because no, Harry doesn't miss him. Maybe he is doing this for the fans? But then again, he doesn't need to do such thing to get attention from his fans. He already has that. So, Zayn shrugs it off like nothing and uploads some videos of him covering songs on Instagram. He replies to some fans before logging out and going outside the beach house that he rented in Miami. He sits on the lounge chair that he has outside the house and chats with Greff. They talk about some new music and when are they going to release it. Throughout the whole day, Zayn tried not to get those three words get to him.

_I miss you._

  
***

  
It was 2014 when Zayn finally decided to accept his feelings for Harry. But first, he needed to talk to Perrie about it. Her band was now slowly but surely gaining attention and they were touring around the world. Finally gathering some courage, he called her one night and told her everything from the beginning. She shed some tears, of course. Saying how he should have told her everything from the start. He apologised over and over again until she calmed down and told him to go with his heart. They decided to keep this between themselves as both were at the peak of their careers and telling everyone about this just now could affect them. Zayn couldn't agree more because as much as he would like to be completely free, he knew it would be selfish of him to put the boys’ and Perrie's careers at stake.

He decided to talk to Harry the next day.

They had just gotten back to the hotel after their performance in Brazil and Zayn was nervous as hell. While in the shower, he had been thinking about the ways he should approach Harry. Should he start by saying sorry? Or should he start by saying something else? But what should be this 'else'?

  
But every single thought flew out of the window when he knocked at Harry's door later that night.

  
"Zayn, what are you doing here, mate?" Harry gave him a bright smile as soon he opened the door to his hotel room. The smile that Zayn had missed so much. The smile that he used to kiss every morning. His hair had gotten longer than the last time he had kissed Harry in 2013 - the day they (well, Harry) decided to stop this "friends with benefits" thing between them because it wouldn't be fair to Perrie. Zayn wanted to object but he stayed quiet, knowing what Harry was saying was right. Now that Zayn was here, after months, now that he was finally free Zayn couldn't help himself but wanting to kiss Harry. So, he just did that. Without a word, he entered the room and pinned Harry against the closed door.

  
"Zayn, what ar-" but Harry couldn't get to finish the sentence because Zayn was kissing him now. Because it was easy for them like that.

  
"Zayn we can't." He heard Harry mumbled against his lips, but he was making no effort to pull away.

  
"I broke it off with Perrie."

  
Harry relaxed at that. He smiled against Zayn's lips and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Zayn smiled, feeling the curly haired lad finally kissing him back. Their soft and sweet kiss soon turned into a passionate and hungry one when both of them started pulling at each other's clothes. It had been so long. So long since they touched each other like this. Felt each other like this. And none of them wanted to let go of each other. As if the other would disappear if they loosen their hold even a bit.

  
They stumbled on their way to Harry's bed. Harry falling on his back with Zayn on top of him. By the time they got each other undressed, their lips were swollen, and pupils were dilated with lust. Their hands roamed everywhere on each other's body, not leaving even an inch as they devoured each other with their hands and mouths. Zayn slipped his hand under Harry's back and pulled him up a bit so that their bare, sweaty chests were touching now and kissed his already bruised mouth for the umpteenth time in that hour. Zayn pulled him even closer as he started thrusting into him.

  
"I missed you so much." Zayn mumbled against the side of Harry's sweaty neck, he moaned feeling Harry scratch down his back. "Missed you so fucking much."

  
"Me too." Harry choked out. "Fuck!" He cursed when Zayn changed his angle a bit and hit his prostate. Harry pulled the long hair at the back of Zayn's hair, hard and just like that, they both were coming undone.

  
The intensity of the orgasm made them pass out as soon as they climaxed. Harry groaned a bit when Zayn fell down on him like a limp. Harry's sticky come between their bodies making it uncomfortable for them to sleep but they were too tired and too spent out to even get up. So, they ignored the stickiness and let the sleep take over them.

  
Later that night, when they were freshly showered and lying naked under the covers of Harry's hotel room, Zayn finally decided to ask the question he had been meaning to ask the whole night.

  
"Harry?" Zayn asked looking at Harry in the dim light of the room. The light making Harry's features soft as ever and it also wasn't helping that Harry was smiling at him like that. Zayn didn't know what that was supposed to mean, but you don't look at your friend like the way Harry was looking at him.

  
"Hm?" Harry hummed but he wasn't taking his eyes off Zayn. Like he would disappear if he looked away for a second and it was making Zayn feel fuzzy from inside. He took Harry's hand in his and pulled it up to his chest. Harry's eyes drifting between their joined hands to Zayn's eyes.

  
"Would you - do you know why I broke it off with her?" Zayn whispered ever so softly in the dark. The only sound in the room was the light sound from the air conditioner which was soothing in its own way.

  
"No." Harry whispered back. "Why did you do that?"

  
"Wanted to be with you." Zayn admitted in a whisper before pulling their joined hands to his mouth and kissing his knuckles. "Do you want to be with me?"

  
Zayn's breath hitched, and his heart started beating faster when Harry leaned in softly and touched his lips with his own. And if the thumping of Harry's heart against his chest wasn't enough for an answer then his next word was.

"Yes."

  
***

  
It's March 2018 when Zayn and Gigi finally decide to break up.

The fans support him, although some of them are devastated at the news while the others just support him sending him positive messages. Zayn feels like a big weight has been lifted off his chest because even though he enjoys Gigi's company he wants to be alone.

  
Everything becomes a bit easier for him after that. He spends his time in Miami shooting music videos and editing them. His family visits him. He hangs out with his friends daily, gets new ink on his skin almost every day. He laughs seeing fans' worried reactions on his tattoos because it still amuses him how much they care for a person whom they personally don't know. He also sees how the fans have been linking his rose tattoo with Harry's own and okay, Zayn admits that he did that on purpose - getting the rose tattoo. It's not his fault that he misses his Rose ring. The one he had sent Harry through mail. Don't get him wrong, Zayn didn't want to do that, he didn't want to send Harry the Rose but one day in 2016 he received a bracelet and a chain in the mail from Harry's manager, so he just had to tell his manager to send the Rose ring to the person who had sent him the bracelet and the chain.

  
And if Zayn pretends it doesn't melt his heart every time he sees the Rose ring on Harry's fingers in videos, no one has to know.

  
Zayn also pretends he didn't do it on purpose when he announced his break up right after he saw Harry singing "Medicine" and "Anna". Songs that Zayn knows, are about their relationship but doesn't even admit it to himself.

  
He also pretends, it isn't intentional when he buys a $10Million worth penthouse just a street down to Harry's.

  
So yeah, everything is fine.

He is doing great.

  
***

  
2015 was the year when everything went downhill in Harry's life. He still remembers the day when Zayn told him he was leaving the band, that it wasn't making him happy and how it would be better if he left.

  
"But it wouldn't be the same." Harry snapped. Everyone in the room - Liam, Louis, Niall and Simon - looked at Harry with a worried expression. Because he had never snapped at Zayn. They all were used to Harry and Zayn giving each other loving looks but not this. There was an awkward silence that fell afterwards that no one dared to break.

  
"Haz." Zayn whispered. He took a step towards Harry, but Harry stepped back.

  
"No." Harry shook his head. "You can't leave this. You can't leave me."

  
"Harry I am not happy." Zayn whispered, looking into his eyes. He reached out a hand to touch his face, but Harry wasn't having any of it. Zayn was leaving. He was leaving the band. He was leaving Harry. He said he was not happy. Maybe he was leaving because he didn't want to be with him anymore? Maybe he just wanted to get rid of him? He finally got it. Zayn was not leaving the band, he was leaving him.

  
"No, it's okay, I get it." He wiped an angry tear off his face before turning his back to Zayn.

  
"Haz" Zayn started but Harry cut him again with a shake of his head.

  
"No, it's okay. You wanna leave. So, leave."

  
"Harry."

  
But Harry didn't hear anything. He simply walked out of the room, leaving everyone surprised. Because Harry Styles never walks out of his problems. But Harry didn't care anymore. He was just a human. He was allowed to cry and dwell in his own misery. So, he simply went to his room and cried until his body felt exhausted.

  
"He never loved me." Was the only thing that he whispered to himself before sleep took over his red, puffy eyes.

  
As those days shown him, life goes on no matter what. He woke up the next morning, sat silently in Simon's office during all the paper work and tried not to let any tear fall when he saw Zayn signing the final paper. They didn't make any eye contact though. He felt a squeeze on his shoulder which he knew was from Niall. He looked at his side and Liam was doing the same with Zayn. Harry wanted to reach out, to touch him, to hug Zayn. To say it was okay. That they would think of something else. That they could take a long break after the tour ended. But he couldn't. He knew he was stubborn, Zayn was too, he knew that. He knew if he didn't talk to Zayn, Zayn wouldn't do that either. But still, Harry didn't make an effort.

 

He also didn't say anything when everyone gave Zayn a strong hug on the last day, after they were done with the last concert as a five membered band. Harry didn't do anything. He just left Niall's hotel room where everyone was but not before looking at Zayn over his shoulder as his hand rested on the doorknob. They made an eye contact for a brief moment. There was something in Zayn's eyes that Harry couldn't put his finger on. Hurt? Pain? Sadness? But it could not be any of it. Zayn is leaving him, on his own will. Why would he be sad? Harry shook his head and finally closed the door behind him, leaving the four lads saying proper goodbye to each other.

 

Harry kept on waiting in his room, thinking maybe Zayn would come to him for once. For one last time. To say a proper goodbye to him. To their relationship. To them. He waited for the knock on his door to come. He waited for an hour which turned into 6 hours which turned to even more, but the knock never came.

  
He waited for more hours even though he knew Zayn's flight left 4 hours ago. Maybe somewhere deep in his heart he still hoped that this was all a dream. That Zayn would come back. But he never did. Because this wasn't a fairy tale. Because Harry was a fool. A fool whom Zayn never loved. Whom he wanted to get rid of. Whom he couldn't even say a proper goodbye.

  
That day Harry Styles decided he was going to give Zayn Malik what he wanted.

  
Freedom.

  
From him. From their unnamed relationship.  
He decided to ignore him from then on. If Zayn wanted to be away from him, he was just going to do that. But before that, he needed to do something. Something to let Zayn know that no matter what, he was always gonna love him.

  
_**@Harry Styles:** All the love as always. H_

  
He looked at the tweet he just tweeted one last time before finally switching off his phone.

That was Harry's last message to Zayn for a very long time.

  
***

  
It's July 2018 when they finally run into each other, after three long years. With them living 10 minutes away from each other, it was bound to happen anyway.

Harry's tour had just ended and instead of going to LA as he had planned before the tour started, he decides to go to Cheshire for a few days. He roams around the familiar streets, hangs out with his old friends, eats the food his mum cooks for him and at night find himself staring at the phone screen. Staring at a message. Not any message but the one that Zayn sent him when Robin died. It was a simple message, really. But it's the only message that has been exchanged between the two in a very long time. So yeah, Harry is allowed to get emotional staring at the message, that's yet to be replied. His fingers dance on the keypad few times like they have been doing since he received the message, but he shakes his head before switching off the phone and closes his eyes. Maybe Zayn doesn't want him. Maybe that's why he didnt ask him how he's been doing and kept the message short and formal. Maybe he will never want Harry.

  
On the day of his departure, Anne, his mother, hugs him tight at the airport.

  
"Baby." She looks at him with adoration. Harry looks at her with glassy eyes. He doesn't want to leave her, he wants to stay in the comfort of the place he grew up. He doesn't want to leave Cheshire. But he knows he needs to. He has responsibilities to take care of. He needs to record songs for his second album and finalize some things related to work. "Give him a chance okay? He's not doing good either. He is hurting just as yourself."

  
Harry looks at her with surprised eyes. He knows he must be looking taken aback because Anne is smiling at him like the way she did when he sneakily stole a chocolate from the fridge when he was six and his mother caught him eating it. "You should have just asked me, baby. I would have given you another." She had chuckled, wiping some of the melted chocolate from the corner of his mouth with her white handkerchief.

"Sorry, mum." Harry looked at her, ashamed. So, Anne had just kissed his forehead, saying "It's okay, baby. Just don't do it again, alright? Stealing is bad. Just ask, alright?" Harry just nodded before hugging her neck with his little hands. Anne just smiled at him fondly before hugging him tightly. Not caring that her white dress was getting dirty due to kneeling on the ground.

  
"How - how did you?" Harry is lost for words. He doesn't know what to say. He didn't think his mother would notice but maybe that's what they mean when they call it "Mother's intuition."

Anne just chuckled before ruffling his short hair. "Mothers know everything. Just talk to him, okay?"

  
"So, you talk to him?" Harry asks, but there's a hint of accusation behind it. He can't believe his mother is talking to his ex-whatever and didn't tell him. But Anne is laughing at him and Harry is confused. Why would she be laughing?

  
"No, I don’t." She shakes her head. "Not to him at least. But yeah, I talk to Trisha."

  
"Mum!"

  
"What? You really expect us to not talk even after seeing our babies miserable?"

  
Harry goes to say something but then the announcement comes saying that it's time for him to leave. So, he hugs her instead but not before giving her a playful glare to which his mother just chuckles. He tells her "I love you" one last time before finally leaving for New York.

It's exactly 5 days after when they finally meet. It's nearly 1 A.M. and Harry is walking around the food aisle of the 24x7 open grocery store near his house when he accidentally trips over someone's shopping cart. He mentally curses his clumsy self before looking up and apologising to the stranger.

  
"Hey, I am so-" words get caught in his throat when his eyes meet the familiar pair of hazel ones.

  
"Uh - Hi?" Zayn says awkwardly.

  
"It's you." Harry says as if he can't believe he is here. Zayn is here. Right in front of him, in person. He is seeing him not behind some phone screen but in real.

  
"Yeah? It's me." Zayn says. "What are you doing here?"

  
"Just -" Harry shrugs pointing at Zayn's shopping cart. The one he tripped over just some moments ago. "- shopping."

  
"Yeah." Zayn curses himself mentally. Of course he is here for shopping. What else a person would be doing in a grocery store at this time of night? He is really being stupid.

  
"Um, so I gotta go." Harry says in a small voice before pushing his cart forward, wanting to escape the awkward situation he just found himself in. They both nod at each other before Harry turns around, ready to go to another section.

  
"Wait, Harry." Zayn calls from behind making Harry stop in his tracks. He doesn't turn around, but he hears Zayn's footsteps coming towards him. "Uh, you up to go for ice cream?" He sounds hesitant when he says it. 

  
Harry turns to him at that. He raises an eyebrow at Zayn who is looking directly into his eyes. There is something in there. Something like determination mixed with a bit of hesitation and something else that Harry has no idea of.

  
"At this hour?" The curly haired lad asks. At this point, he just hopes Zayn can't hear how fast his heart is beating inside his chest. Because fuck, Zayn is asking him for an ice cream date. Like the old days. Not like they haven't talked to each other in three years. Like it's normal for them to sneak out and go on late night dates. Okay, maybe this is not a date, but Harry can at least pretend it's one

.  
"It's never late for ice cream." Zayn smiles at him. Easy and soft. Like it's not new for them. Like they never stopped doing this.

  
"Y-Yeah." Harry stutters before clearing his throat. "Yeah, sure. Just let me-" He gestures to his own cart then the cash counter. Zayn nods at him, knowing what Harry meant.  
"Yeah, I'm done too." Zayn says, already moving his cart to the cash register.

  
The cashier smiles at them, before telling them the amount. They pay for their own goods, not knowing if they are still on the terms where they should pay for each other. They leave Harry's car in front of the grocery store and get into Zayn's Range Rover. They put both their grocery bags in the backseat before Zayn starts the car. Harry rests his head against the tinted glass of the car, letting the mild volume of the radio fill up the silence between them.

  
Harry thinks about the times they have done this before. Sneaking out of the hotel room in the middle of the night to roam around the city or to go for a long drive or go for late night dates. When no one could see them. When they could pretend they weren't famous, when they could just be normal people When they could be two boys in love with each other.

  
Harry mentally shakes off the thought. No, they didn't love each other. Because Zayn didn't love him. His love was one sided. If Zayn had loved him, he wouldn't have left him. He wouldn't have gone into another relationship with Gigi. Yeah, they had broken up. Harry heard that, but it didn't hurt less. Whenever he thinks about the times he had cried himself to sleep because of them, it hurts him like nothing else.

  
His thoughts break when Zayn stops the car after a long time. Harry looks out of the window only to find they are in front of the beach. Not any other beach but the beach where they used to sneak out often when they were in the band. Harry clenches his hands in order to stop them from shaking. He looks at his side to see Zayn looking at him from the driver's seat. Like he wants to say something. Like he wants Harry to say something as well.

  
"I - I can't do this." Harry shakes his head. "I can't."

  
"Haz-"

  
"No, you don't get to do this." He looks at him angrily. But there's also a tinge of sadness behind those green eyes, Zayn can see that. Because even after all these years, he can still read Harry like an open book.

  
"Do what?" Zayn asks softly, even though he knows the answer too. This isn't hurting him any less, but he knows they need to talk. He knows, if they can't get back to what they used to be, at least they need closure. They both deserve it.

  
"This." Harry gestures the space between them with his hands. "You can't just pretend the last 3 years never happened Zayn. Because they did, and it hurts like hell."

  
"I'm not pretending anything Harry, but I think we both know we need to talk." Zayn says as calmly as possible. "Look, just get some ice cream and talk. Yeah?"

  
Harry doesn't say anything. Just sighs and opens the door to get out of the car. Zayn does the same and locks the car behind him. He sees Harry already walking towards the familiar small ice cream shop - the one just outside the beach. He wonders if Harry still comes here, without him. Shaking off the thoughts, Zayn decides to follow him.

  
"Two chocolate chip mint ice creams please. Yeah, two scoopes each. Thank you." Zayn hears Harry ordering the ice creams. His heart aches at the thought that Harry still remembers his favourite. He looks at him with adoration when he sees him walking towards him with two ice creams, one in each hand.

  
"Here." Harry hands him one. Zayn nods at him as thanks and starts walking towards the beach. The security guard just smiles at them and lets them in without questioning anything.

  
"So, when did you start enjoying chochip-mint? I thought it tasted like toothpaste to you?" The half-Pakistani lad chuckles as he takes a seat on the sand, the exact place they used to sit whenever they would come here three years ago.

  
"People can change in three years." Harry shrugs as he stares at the ocean in front of them, licking the sugary delight.

  
Zayn doesn't say anything after that. They let the sound of the waves clashing against the sand take over them.

  
"Why did you say we never talked?" Harry asks after a long silence, after they both are finished with their ice creams. It's the question that has been eating him alive since he read the news.

  
"I-I don't know."

  
"You don't know?" Harry laughs at that. A bitter laugh. "You said that yourself Zayn. Did anything that happened between us ever mattered to you? Wasn't what we had between us worthy of acknowledgement? I understand that you never loved me, but we were friends before everything started."

  
"I never loved you? Funny, because it's you who never loved me Harry." Zayn chuckles. He tries hard not to let a single tear slip from his eyes, but one still does.

  
"Yeah? Says the one who left me? Some kind of love you had for me there, mate." Harry chuckles. Now that both started, they can't stop.

  
"I never left you, Harry. Yes, I left the band. But I never left _you_." Zayn says emphasizing the 'you'. "I even tried to contact you, but you just had to be an asshole and never reply. And you are saying I never loved you? Wow."

  
Harry shuts up at that. He never considered that thought. Now that he thinks about it, maybe he read the situation wrong?

  
"But you went into a relationship with Gigi." Harry accuses, not wanting to admit his fault.

  
"I had to, God damnit." Zayn says, frustrated. But there's also a hint of hurt in his voice that is making something inside Harry's heart ache. "Perrie accused me of cheating, Harry. People were going at me saying I am a cheater. I had been going through an eating disorder. People started hating me. I needed someone. I needed you, but you werent there." At this Zayn doesn't care if he is crying because fuck, he has been hiding these emotions for years. "And she was there for me. She was there when I needed a friend. When all of you turned your backs to me. When no one was there. Yeah, we weren't in a real relationship but at least she didn't act like a stranger like-"

  
Zayn doesn't get to complete his sentence because Harry is now hugging him. He is hugging him tight and Zayn can't stop himself when he hugs him back. He didn't realise how much he missed his warmth until now. He didn't realise how much he had missed Harry.

  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Harry cries, hugging him. He has been so into his own misery that he never considered how Zayn was feeling. Yes, he heard about Zayn's eating disorder and he would be lying if he said he didn't feel miserable about it. He thought he failed as a partner when he realised, he didn't know what Zayn had been going through.

  
"I had to go to therapy." Zayn admits. Harry feels like everything is closing on him as Zayn starts to admit everything. "I was miserable. I missed you. But you were not there."

  
"I'm sorry." Harry whispers, placing a kiss on his hair. "I am so sorry, Z."

  
They stay like that for a while. In each other's arms, under the moonlight as the cool breeze of the beach passes by them. They stay like that until they both calm down a bit from the emotional high they just experienced.

  
"I thought you never loved me." Zayn said quietly after a long pause as he hugs Harry from the side. Harry sniffles from where his head is resting on Zayn's shoulder because fuck, he has missed this. He missed the comfort that he finds in Zayn's arms. He missed the secure feeling of it. He missed Zayn. "You never said you love me back. You never-"

  
"I never said that back because you hurt me." Harry confesses in a whisper. "You hurt me by saying that what we had between us was just "friends with benefits", Zayn."

  
"What did you want me to say, Harry? We started messing around when you were just getting over Louis. I didn't know if I was a rebound to you or just there for fun. I didn't know if what we had was real. I didn't know if you wanted me back then." Zayn admits, as he intertwines their fingers together on his lap.

  
"You were never a rebound." Harry whispers. "Yeah, we did start messing around around the time I was getting over Louis, but you were never a rebound Zayn. I truly felt something for you. I am sorry if I made you feel like a rebound." Harry ends his sentence with a kiss on Zayn's cheek, that brought a smile on the tanned lad's face. Zayn leaned down and kissed his curls.

  
"I heard that song, you know? "I won't mind." It was beautiful." Harry admits in the quiet of the night. It's 2:30 AM now. The moon is shining brightly above them, making their skin glow. The calming sound of the waves and the silence of the night is making the situation even better.

  
"Yeah?" Zayn looks down at him with a fond smile. "I heard the song you wrote, "Someday Maybe"." It's Zayn's time to admit.

  
"Heard your album. It was beautiful." Harry yawns and shifts a bit so now, he can rest his head into Zayn's chest to which, the tanned lad chuckles. God, he has missed moments like this.

  
"Yeah? What's your favourite?" Zayn asks, running his fingers through the short curls.

  
"There are many." Harry admits. "But I think, 'rEaR vIeW' and 'PILLOWTALK' won my heart."

  
"I heard yours too you know?" Zayn whispers, staring at the sea.

  
"What's your favourite?" Harry asks quietly.

  
"All of them but I liked "From The Dining Table" and "Meet Me In The Hallway" the best."

  
"Yeah? They were about you." Harry smiles against his chest.

  
"I know." Zayn smiles because yeah, it was obvious. 

  
"Do you think we are fools?"

  
"We are." Zayn laughs. "Fool for each other."  
Again, a comfortable silence before they both decide to break it at the same time.

"I love you."

They go silent again but this time, only to burst into laughter after. They don't know why they are laughing but they are just too happy to care. So, it doesn't surprise Zayn when Harry tackles him on the ground, with him on top of Zayn, looking at him with almost playful eyes. And it doesn't surprise Harry either when Zayn leans up and closes the mere distance between their lips. Because kissing has always been easy for them. But this time, it feels even better because they have cleared everything between them, also because it's been three years since they tasted each other. They are smiling so wide that their teeth are clashing but they don't care. They are finally in each other's arms, so no, they don't care if it's not even a kiss.

  
"God, I missed you." Harry breathes before leaning down and kissing Zayn again. This time properly. With one hand cupping Zayn's face and Zayn holding his waist, Harry kisses him with every ounce of love he has for the tanned lad. Zayn too, doesn't hold himself back this time. Rolling them over, so that he can kiss the curly haired lad right. This time, they kiss like they have been starving for it. Kissing till their lips become red, swollen and numb. They kiss until they both run out of breath.

  
"I love you." Zayn pants as he knocks their foreheads together. Harry smiles, eyes closed and a peaceful expression on his face.

  
"Say it again." The younger lad breathes. His hands now cupping the sides of his neck.  
"I love you." Zayn whispers this time with a peck on his forehead.

  
"I love you." Harry says back this time and Zayn is smiling so wide, his jaw is aching.

  
"We are going to do this right this time, yeah?" Zayn kisses his cheek before pulling Harry up with him.

  
"Yeah." Harry nods. "Yeah, we're going to do this right this time. No other girls, no hiding feelings."

  
Zayn makes them stand up together and helps Harry dusting the sand off his jeans and hair. Harry does the same with him. After they are done, Zayn takes his hand in his and starts walking back to the car. On their way back, the security smiles at them again to which they both smile back.

  
"Where are we going now?" Harry asks once they find themselves in their previous seats. Harry in the passenger seat and Zayn in the driver's.

  
"We are now going to get to my penthouse, then we will sleep till the afternoon. Then we'll make brunch together and talk more, yeah? We still need to talk about many things." Harry nods again, because yeah, they do. "And we aren't gonna hide this time if we decide to be together, yeah?"

  
"Yeah." Harry nods with a smile. He sees Zayn fetching out his phone from his pocket and typing away something on the screen. His tongue poking out from the corner of his mouth in concentration, making Harry look at him in pure adoration.

  
"I love you."

  
Zayn looks up at him at that. He hit the 'send' before putting the phone back in his pocket. Zayn couldn't help himself when he leans down and pecks his lips softly, making Harry smile in bliss.

  
"I love you too." Zayn smiles at him when he pulls away.

  
The message that he just sent to his mother sits heavy in his pocket as he starts the car.

  
_"You were right, mum. We should have talked to each other earlier."_

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

> **Is this the new direction for Zayn Malik and Harry Styles?**  
>  By Jabeen Waheed For Mailonline  
>  20:02 14 Feb 2019, updated 04:31 15 Feb 2019
> 
> As we have been seeing for the past few months, former One Direction member Zayn Malik and Harry Styles have been spotted together quite a few times in New York. It didn't surprise us when the two boys posted a picture of them celebrating Valentine's Day together on Twitter today. The caption read, "Love you forever, babes.". Way to break millions of girls' heart, boys.
> 
> It was quite surprising to the fans when the two were spotted hanging out in a small café together in November 2018, after Malik saying in an interview in 2017 that they never talked. Neither Malik, nor Styles said anything on that statement when asked a few weeks back. Harry has been also spotted in the backstage of Zayn's concert quite a few times and so has Zayn in Harry's. We guess, both boys are really serious about their relationship.
> 
> Not only the couple but even their family was spotted hanging out with each other as well. The internet broke when Safaa Malik, Zayn's youngest sister, posted a picture of the Styles and Malik family together having a New Year's dinner. We've also gotten quite a few pictures of the boys with their three other bandmates - Liam Payne, Niall Horan and Louis Tomlinson, together. Can we expect a One Direction reunion soon?
> 
> Everything aside, we wish the couple good luck for their future and even though we know both Malik and Styles like to keep their personal life private, we hope to keep getting cute couple pictures like this more often. After all, who wouldn't like a bit of Zarry (as their shippers call them) on their timeline?
> 
> Zayn Malik, 26 and Harry Styles, 25, met in X-Factor auditions in 2010. The two later were put in the band, "One Direction" together along with Liam Payne, Niall Horan and Louis Tomlinson, before Malik left the band in 2015.


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